Why must we grow older? I wish I could have stayed being that sweet little kid that I once knew long time ago. I remember promising my friend, and making him swear to never grow older, to always be a kid, because I think that's what saves many people in this day and age. There are so many people out there who can't relax for a second. The more you care, the more problems will arise in this cage we call life. Was I being a hypocrite? Have I changed that much from that kid I once knew to be me. What happened to that kid? I NEED that kid that I once knew.
In my last blogpost, I talked about how kids can act so freely up on stage. It wasn't a blogpost that I had just written to earn credit for homework, I actually thought very hard about that idea that I had come across about kids. You know, I want that innocence again. But, there's just no way to go back. And it's funny, in a sick way. How in the hell does somebody gain their innocence back? Do more good in the world? Or thinking twice about throwing out that swear word in that sentence? I mean really, how? I've been thinking about this all, for a very very long time. I feel homesick at times, because I look at myself, into who I've become. The very thing I was scared of becoming when I was a kid. I've become into another scary high schooler, that looks half-dead in the mornings, that swears among his friends, that's looking for fist fights here and there outside of school.
I think we all need that kid that we all once knew. And if you haven't lost him/her, good for you. Great job. I think, it's the hardest thing anybody in the world can do.
I remember, a time where I was getting ready to go outside. My mum sat next to me, and had a deep discussion about growing up. I was about, 12. She had told me that I was going to start feeling more defensive about different things, creating my own opinions on things, and feeling more agressive towards her. I broke out into tears and hugged her, told her and swore on my life that I was not going to become that evil kid she had been describing. She told me that it was fine, and that it had happened to her too when she was growing up. But no, I wasn't going to turn into a monster like that, I was sure of it.
What a joke. Now I comeback to everything she has to say, putting up a fight about the smallest things. Good God.
Hi Christian, I am reading all of your blogs again from 2nd quarter. I think what you wrote here is so so important. You may have to reread to remind yourself of what you wrote! I am a total believer in keeping the child alive within us. If we want that, we have to work at it but it is possible. Alot depends on our circumstances. The fact is, however, that we can always keep that child within no matter what age we are. Always. We never have to really lose our faith and hope. The main thing is that our identity needs to be in god within us, not in our reputation, not based on what the "guys" think of us...our identity can transcend all that you know? It's also in how you see life. If you see it through the eyes of a child, which is what God tells us to do by the way....Jesus always said to be like little children...right? Nothing can take that from us. Anyway, thank you for this honest, personal post. I think you are wonderful.
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